Mad Science: My Name is Brad
“Igor, I think I have it.”
“No Master, you have my hand.” Igor said
“Oh, Sorry. And don’t call me master. My Name is Brad.”
“Yes Mastâ ¦erâ ¦Brad.” Igor replied
Letting go of Igor’s hand, brad tells him, “Igor, hand me that Cheetah leg, please. And be careful, they can easily be damaged.”
Igor crosses the room and retrieves one of the cheetah legs sitting on a table. He carefully picks it up and returns to where Brad is standing before a motionless figure and hands the leg to him.
“Thank you Igor. - said, “Now watch closely and be ready to help when I remove the muscles from this leg. We will need to place these muscles into that tray till we are ready to put them into our specimen.”
“Yes Master.” Igor said, forgetting the earlier instructions.
“Igor, my name is Brad, not master.” Brad reminded him.
“Yes sir,” Igor said, “What is your experiment today, Mâ ¦Maâ ¦Brad?”
“I am attempting to transplant the leg muscles and ligaments from the cheetah into this basketball player. The cheetah is the fastest animal on earth and can leap great distances so I figure that by transplanting the muscles and other tissues, I can make a basketball player run faster and jump higher”
“But master, is that possible?” Igor asked, “Can animal muscles work in a human, master?”
“My NAME IS BRAD, Igor!” Brad yelled, now annoyed that his assistant can’t even call him by his right name. “That is what science is all about my dear assistant. We scientists explore, invent, research, to make this world a better place. We go beyond boundaries too see what can be done. It is glorious work that we do, Igor.”
Igor shook his head and said, “This world or you sir? I know you were denied a spot on your college team because you could not jump very high or run very fast, so is this about you or the world?”
“They didn’t even give me a chance,” Brad retorted, but shaking his head he brought his thoughts back to the present, “Science is not about the scientist but what can be achieved. Now please go and fetch the other cheetah leg and be careful about it.”
Igor quickly went to the other table and grabbed the leg. “Gently, Igor, gently, we do not want to damage any of the tissues.” Brad scolded.
“Yes, master.” Igor replied.
“Igor, my name is Brad!” Brad angrily told him, getting tired of the mistakes Igor keep making, “Why can’t you learn from your mistakes. I do not call you Jennifer, my last assistant.”
“I don’t now Mâ ¦Mâ ¦Mastâ ¦Brad. It is habit. I spent many years with a scientist who only wanted to be called master,” Igor explained, “By the way what happened to Jennifer?”
Brad looked down sadly, “I tried to improve her mobility by transplanting Chimpanzee muscles into her arms and legs. The transplant operation was a success and she could jump and swing from the chandelier like a monkey. Butâ ¦”
“But what, master?” Igor asked, “What happened?
“My name is Brad. Brad, do you get it?” Brad said angrily, then remembering Jennifer he turned sad once again, “but one day, in her excitement to have such great ability she wasn’t looking and flew out the window.”
“Is sheâ ¦Is sheâ ¦” Igor couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence.
“No, Igor, she isn’t.” Brad said, “She is now becoming a star with the New York Ballet Company. She left science to follow her heart and with her new abilities she should be a great dancer.”
“But that is great master. Your science works!” Igor exclaimed.
“My name is Brad, Igor. Can’t you remember a four letter word?”
“I can but most of them are not nice words.” Igor replied, But masâ ¦Brad, you should be happy to be such a success.”
“No Igor, I lost a great assistant and the Academy of Science expelled me for my work. They said it was too extreme, too crazy. But enough of the past, let’s get back to work.”
“Yes Masterâ ¦”Igor said absentmindedly, “I mean Brad.”
“Hand me that scalpel, Igor and let’s cut open the legs of the recipient and remove his muscles and other tissues.”
“Yes master,” Igor said, “I have one question, master.”
“It’s Brad. Do you hearâ Bâ ¦ Râ ¦ Aâ ¦ D- Brad,” Brad said annoyingly, then calming down he asked,” What is your question, Igor?”
“Won’t Michael Jordon be angry when he wakes up and sees what you did to his legs? He already could leap higher and faster than most of the other basketball players. Won’t he be a tiny bit upset, master?
“Igor, for the last time, my name is Brad.”
